Some critiques or comments on this poem?

As I slumbered along that wintry road
In a night accursed as it was bleak,
I dreamt I saw the holy firmament,
Somberly draped in ethereal mystique.
Beloved sights of the almighty, aloft!
Tranquil and resplendent amidst cherubs pure,
Crowned with divinity and o! hallowed sights;
So in awe was I of his guarded allure.
With knighted brow and majestic beauty
Sat our lord before seas of tranquility,
Smooth as glass and about Heaven sprawled,
In the golden warmth cast by angels enthralled,
Whilst all thrones in exuberance, enrapt,
Flew o’er the vast expanse, spurred
By a risen sun; ride, o fleet of heart
And whimsy, lest into sin you be lured
As our mortal father in Eden of auld,
With the fatal morn of innocence, marked,
And with Wisdom crowned did take his shame, enthralled,
And from silent grove with fire thronged, embark.
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The last seven lines feel off. I have be reworking it for awhile now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Additional Details

I apologize - I meant 'I have been reworking it for awhile now'. Oops.

4 months ago

Your chronic disliking of everything I write has overstayed its welcome - and its already past due. Your complaints of foul treatment at the hands of other folks on this site is a two-way street, I see. You only laud praise on the ones who return the favor, Ian. I have been guilty of this particular trait myself - thus, I refrain from answering other people's posts. I am here strictly for critiques – the same should apply to you.





Answer :
All of it feels off - my suggestion is that you ask your doctor to increase your medication. Pompous and pretentious - as usual.

(And surely you mean 'lumbered' in L1? Or do you actually mean you 'slept' along the road?)

Wrong! I only praise what I consider worthy, regardless of whether it is reciprocated or not. And rest assured - line 1 (and the rest) is definitely a 'mistake', whether you intended it or not.